*deep breath* It's because Graff could be seen as doing what he did because he thought it was for the best, and I wasn't thinking of consequences? Don't fall over, people, I do read books.
And yes, there was a time I did want to marry Syfte. But thinkgs changed somehow in my mind. No, it wasn't just Maureen. She was more the tip of the iceberg, the thing that can be seen, supported by a whole lot of things which are under the surface. I'm not good with words. I'm not good at telling people exactly what's going on with me. I know that, perhaps better than anyone.
If I could put everything I'm feeling on film, to who it to people rather than resorting to words, I would. I don't know how to describe what happened with Syfte. Perhaps a slow realization that I didn't think it was working? Perhaps I'm just too stuck in my past for my own good.
Fuck, I'm the first to admit that I handled everything shittily. If I had it to do over again, would I? Yes. Would the end result be any different? The facts probably not. The emotions, I hope so.
Am I making excuses? Probably. Do I mean to? No. I didn't mean to hurt her. Hell, I still love her in many ways. It's just... Maureen or not, I don't know if it would have really worked. If that makes be Graff and a callous bastard, so be it. I'm sorry.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-03-24 04:53 pm (UTC)And yes, there was a time I did want to marry Syfte. But thinkgs changed somehow in my mind. No, it wasn't just Maureen. She was more the tip of the iceberg, the thing that can be seen, supported by a whole lot of things which are under the surface. I'm not good with words. I'm not good at telling people exactly what's going on with me. I know that, perhaps better than anyone.
If I could put everything I'm feeling on film, to who it to people rather than resorting to words, I would. I don't know how to describe what happened with Syfte. Perhaps a slow realization that I didn't think it was working? Perhaps I'm just too stuck in my past for my own good.
Fuck, I'm the first to admit that I handled everything shittily. If I had it to do over again, would I? Yes. Would the end result be any different? The facts probably not. The emotions, I hope so.
Am I making excuses? Probably. Do I mean to? No. I didn't mean to hurt her. Hell, I still love her in many ways. It's just... Maureen or not, I don't know if it would have really worked. If that makes be Graff and a callous bastard, so be it. I'm sorry.